Friday, July 28, 2006

Nasrallah: Would I Lie to You? 

YNet's Avi Cohen has Hizballah leader Hassan Nasrallah's response to Israel's claims of actually having killed some of his fighters.

A number of bodies of Hizbullah operatives who were killed during combat against IDF troops in south Lebanon were transferred Thursday to the National Institute of Forensic Medicine at Abu Kabir. With the aid of military personnel, the institute identified the bodies.

Other than the few bodies taken by IDF troops to the forensic institute, it is doubtful that anyone knows the precise number of Hizbullah operatives killed thus far. A senior military official said that by Tuesday, before the deadly confrontations in Bint Jbeil, at least "many dozen Hizbullah members" had been killed.

"We have documents attesting to these numbers, and it is likely that as the ground fighting continues, the number of Hizbullah casualties will rise," he said, noting that senior Hizbullah staff leaders, but apparently no political leaders, were killed on the battlefield.

Hizbullah, however, was exerting diligent efforts to paint a different picture. In his most recent speech Hizbullah leader Hassan Nasrallah was seen practically pleaded to his men and the Lebanese people not to believe Israeli media reports on death tallies, because Israel was waging "a psychological war packed with lies."

"I am stressing to you – we don't hide the number of our dead. If a large number of our men are killed – we wouldn't hide it but on the contrary we'd be proud of it. Like in Maroun a-Ras. We said there was a battle and we didn't hide it. You must listen to us and not to the enemy's psychological warfare," he said.
Let's rewind Nasrallah's rhetorical brilliance for a second so we can pause and marvel at the conciseness of his lunacy.

Israel was waging "a psychological war packed with lies."

What Nasrallah means: well, at least we WISH they were waging a psychological war against us, like the UN asked for. We certainly expected them to respond by wondering what they had done to provoke us. We were pretty sure they would send out feelers to learn what we wanted in exhange for information about their soldiers and perhaps a several week break in from the hell we are raining down upon them. In short, a good old-fashioned psychological war. The kind where your enemy learns to get in touch with your  feelings. But instead the Zionists insist on wasting their bullets and rockets trying to beat us in battle -- HA! Like that could ever happen. Not so long as the brave civilians of Lebanon and also the UN peacekeepers continue to march with the banner of Hizballah, up front, right ahead of us.

I am stressing to you...

Not that I'm personally getting stressed, mind you -- that would imply that the enemy's psychological warfare is succeeding against me, which it most decidedly is NOT. I am impervious to their lies, and do not fear them at all. I am completely relaxed. However, I would like to take this opportunity to mention that, in the wake of our many recent battlefield successes, I willl be taking a very,very short trip to Syria, as soon as possible.

...we don't hide the number of our dead.

No need to hide it. There just aren't any. And how can you hide something that doesn't exist? You can't. And that's just what I'm saying. Trust me. Clear?

If a large number of our men are killed...

Which of course they AREN'T and HAVEN'T BEEN, no matter what you've heard, and they will continue not to be killed, in huge numbers. That's only an IF, a hypothetical. I'd love to bring in the commander of the western region, sector 2 to back me up on this, but he just went on extended vacation. But if his deputy could be here to explain to you, you would certainly believe. Unfortunately he was caught in traffic, and I can only read his written statement on the subject: "Nasrallah is telling the truth, believe him. We are not being slaughtered in great numbers. Definitely not."

...we wouldn't hide it but on the contrary we'd be proud of it

Proud indeed. Just like we're so proud of all of you who have been dying for us, shielding our missiles and our firing positions with your own brave bodies. How can we lose with such a steadfast people behind us, and in front of us. And that's not even to mention the courageous UN observers who absorbed the brunt of a Zionist attack actually aimed at us and, sadly, were killed instead of our fighters -- Allah be praised.

Like in Maroun a-Ras. We said there was a battle and we didn't hide it.

Yes, this is my counter-example, proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would not hide the number of dead, if there were any. But please note that I am NOT admitting in this, my sole counterexample, that any of us were actually killed in Maroun a-Ras. I'm just pointing out that if there was a battle there, we wouldn't hide it. Yes there was a battle there. No more questions on the subject please.

You must listen to us and not to the enemy's psychological warfare,

You can trust me; in fact, you MUST. I'm not calling it an order so much as an enforceable suggestion. But what's the big deal? If you couldn't trust me, I certainly wouldn't lie to you about it -- I'd come out and tell you, right to your face, and your family's face too, even your little kids -- that's the kind of managerial transparency I'm putting in place with my latest massive -- massive! -- reorganization. It's sort of like an ISO9000 thing, replacing lots and lots of field commanders and fighters all at once. Giving some new blood a chance.

I could go on but I believe my flight to Syria is waiting. Best of luck, and I'll be back. Really.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: