Monday, March 06, 2006
Hamas Peace Jihad: Day 2--Invention
In the name of Allah the most Gracious the most Merciful
"...do not neglect the giving of free gifts between you;"
Press Statement
"...do not neglect the giving of free gifts between you;"
Press Statement
Nations of the world, generosity is a two-way footpath.
In this, the second day of our fundraising festival known as the Peace Jihad, we see your instinctive bias against us, and we are not amused.
Must we remind you once more how hard Hamas struggles to bring about uncompromising peace among all surviving men under the protection of our Islamic banner? How could it not be so for the Party of Islam, the Party of Peace? How can anyone ignore the many precious gifts Islam has bestowed upon you, for so little payment in return? So now, ask not what more Islam can do for you, ask what you can do for Hamas. All that is good has flown from Islam -- just review this list of our cherished Islamic scholars' most-noted inventions:
- Nothing. No, not "nothing"-nothing. Nothing as in the numeral for zero.
- The atom, as it is written: "Nor is hidden from thy Lord (so much as) the weight of an atom on the earth or in heaven." And now would you still deny the Islamic Iranian nation its right to construct whatever it wishes from the very atoms it has discovered? It is the West who should be paying royalties to us for every hi-tech radioactive security scan of innocent Arab and Muslim travellers.
- Before you complain of the lack of an alternative to oil as an energy source, bear in mind it was the Muslims of Sijistan who invented the windmill. So you can pull the gas tanks from your automobiles and strap little whirly things on your roof racks, but you will still have to pay us.
- Algebra, and no, do not expect us to apologize for this.
- Al Gore's internet? Islamic. It is little more than an extension of our innovation, the idea of trade routes and messengers which we developed with the original IP over CAMEL v1.0 protocol, much better even than carrier pigeon.
- Comedy. Yes, Albert Brooks, we invented comedy, or at least the first modern joke. Sometime in the 11th century, it was asked of a Muslim scholar why a certain man's chicken had crossed the kitchen, and the answer -- still funnier than the later version of the unbelievers -- was because Allah willed it so. Do you not see the humor? Because Allah, the Almighty, willed it! Perhaps you will only find it funnier once the Caliphate is re-established, I cannot say for sure.
- The insane asylum, which every one agrees is the best thing since sliced bread.
- sliced bread, actually derived from our pita which separates easily for sandwich-like convenience.
However, in the spirit of open and full-disclosure on which we always operate, we must conffess there are a few things which we did not invent:
- AIDS -- the You-Know-Who's obviously had a hand in this one
- Terrorism -- we don't even know what that is without a clear definition
- Zionist Death Rays
Reference Related Press Releases:
Peace Jihad: Day 1--Fundraising
Peace Jihad: Day 2--Invention
Peace Jihad: Day 3--Trust
Peace Jihad: Day 4--Name Change
Peace Jihad: Last Day--Where's Our Money?
- END -
The Islamic Resistance Movement
Hamas - Palestine
Monday 5h Safar 1427H
06/03/2006AD
Hamas - Palestine
Monday 5h Safar 1427H
06/03/2006AD
Technorati Tags: satire, hamas, jihad, peace, pr, invention
