Since the children are the future, I offer the following child-raising wisdom, for dealing with that troublesome future Jihad Warrior when he just won't behave:
- Tell him that if he doesn't behave, you'll kill off Uncle Osama in tonight's bedtime story.
- Suspend his "Islam's Funniest Goodbye Suicide-Videos" viewing privileges for a month.
- Show him a picture of his attractive cousin, and a picture of his homely cousin, and explain that life is about choices.
- Threaten to let his younger brother kill himself first.
- No more riding shotgun with Daddy in the explosives truck at parades.
- If he doesn't behave, explain that the next time his friends come looking for him, you'll be forced to tell them he's visiting a Jewish friend.
- Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary.
- Tell him he can forget about that coveted GI Yusuf doll with Kung Fu detonator grip and detachable brain pan (some internal organs sold separately, batteries not included)
- Respect his understanding of the concept of consequences: if you can't count on him to behave now, how can you trust him with the important role of "corpse" in tomorrow's big funeral procession?
- Negotiate. And lollipops. Important life lessons must be inculcated from the very first years.
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