Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Top 10 Discipline Tips for Unruly Children of the Jihad 

Since the children are the future, I offer the following child-raising wisdom, for dealing with that troublesome future Jihad Warrior when he just won't behave:
  1. Tell him that if he doesn't behave, you'll kill off Uncle Osama in tonight's bedtime story.
  2. Suspend his "Islam's Funniest Goodbye Suicide-Videos" viewing privileges for a month.
  3. Show him a picture of his attractive cousin, and a picture of his homely cousin, and explain that life is about choices.
  4. Threaten to let his younger brother kill himself first.
  5. No more riding shotgun with Daddy in the explosives truck at parades.
  6. If he doesn't behave, explain that the next time his friends come looking for him, you'll be forced to tell them he's visiting a Jewish friend.
  7. Make sure he understands how important his behavior is to the family's honor. Involve one of his sisters in the discussion if necessary.
  8. Tell him he can forget about that coveted GI Yusuf doll with Kung Fu detonator grip and detachable brain pan (some internal organs sold separately, batteries not included)
  9. Respect his understanding of the concept of consequences: if you can't count on him to behave now, how can you trust him with the important role of "corpse" in tomorrow's big funeral procession?
  10. Negotiate. And lollipops. Important life lessons must be inculcated from the very first years.

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