Sunday, February 19, 2006
Thank you for such a warm welcome to our new Hamas government. We'd like to take this opportunity to kick off our press relationship on the right boot. Toward that end, please accept some photograpy guidelines which we consider strictly voluntary on your part -- and please do not consider our knowledge of who you are and where your family lives as any sort of threat to coerce compliance with these wonderfully sensible suggestions.
Therefore, henceforth, there will be no more pictures of masked freedom fighters in menacing poses, unless it is for internal pamphlets or post-operational publicity. Instead, shots of older Brothers in suits and ties comfortable to the Western donor's eyes will be the norm -- we suggest, that is.
Further, you will make an effort to paint only the caring face of our party. For instance, we want the world to know that just as we swear eternal warfare and destruction for Zionists, we also kiss our happy future freedom fighters, just like that criminal Bush does.
You will stress our interfaith outreach with photos of brotherly love -- perhaps something like this photo, that could even be used for a "Gee, your beard smells terrific" shampoo advertisement:
You may have noticed that the Western media has done a subtle but effective job of painting incoming lawmaker Mariam Farhat as a less than compassionate mother for the exemplary job she has done dispatching three of her sons to the jihad pile. Nothing could be further from the truth. A few select photos emphasizing she still has more sons left in her quiver, photos delicately perched on that thin line between worship of motherhood and murder, could really help her achieve that coveted Ashrawi level of PR sexiness.
In short, your photos from here on should help create the picture of an idyllic Palestinian society led by the solid Islamic principles we embody. There is no dissent here. Everyone is happy and eager to begin pursuit of our unwavering national goals.
Ok, we're going to have to have a talk with Mr. Abbas. A long talk. Off camera.