Monday, January 23, 2006
Meeting Minutes for Jan 22, 2006
OPENING: On behalf of our martyred Sheik, and any surviving Hamas leadership, Fatimah called the meeting to order at 7:10 and introduced the 3rd Grade Choir's warmly received peformance of "The Jew Stole My Land."
PRESIDENT'S REPORT: Fatimah informed everyone that next month's meeting will be held on the 18th because the courtyard will be needed on the 22nd for a spontaneous demonstration.
SCHOOL STORE: We are out of green hats and bandanas, toy guns and fake suicide bomber belts. Trading some of the overstock of pencils, paper and rulers to the Fatah school is the most likely way to restock. Will report how it goes next month.
DELEGATE'S REPORT: The effort to bond with our new sister school in Pyong Yang is going well. They rejected our offer to sponsor a canned food drive on their behalf, something about Juche spirit being enough to sustain their heroic children. They offered to send us some radiation sickness kits, but we weren't really sure why they thought we'd need those. Just the usual hiccups you find in any new relationship. More next month.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S REPORT: "Peaceful Playground" handout distributed. Outlines new play yard guidelines that were taught to every class. Will repeat as needed throughout the school year so that everyone can enjoy the yard safely. Quick summary of the guidelines: No more "Jihadis and Jews" at recess because too many children are showing up with real knives and we're starting to run low on tetanus boosters.
PRINCIPAL'S REPORT: Mr. Abdullah, the new principal talked about his survey of declining school test scores and started to introduce his 15 point program for turning things around. Fatimah interrupted him and asked how this will help the next generation of resistance fighters tell the difference between a safety and a trigger. Mr. Abdullah sat down without an answer.
SAFETY REPORT: Please remind your children about proper safety behavior at Israeli checkpoints. It's kids in FRONT, adults in the middle, armed resistance fighters in the back. This order is very important so that we don't lose fighters to stray enemy rounds or riccochets. Thank you for your cooperation.
NURSE'S REPORT: Important vaccine information: polio vaccinations are now being offered at UNRWA offices -- remember not to send your kids for these because it is a Zionist plot. Thank you.
TREASURER'S REPORT: Maryam reports the treasury has an overall balance of ... well, she's not sure exactly, but as long as the donor checks keep coming in, who cares? In the meantime, she's planning the next quarter's fundraisers and needs volunteers to help with bingo and a walkathon past Israeli checkpoints. Since the donor checks already pay for everything we need, the fundraisers will pay for a new zoom lens as a gift next Ramadan for our neighborhood Reuters photographer.
Noor and Samira to follow with reports on the Book Fair and External Fundraising efforts.
BOOK FAIR: Noor reports raising $503, a big success (applause). And she said those of you still waiting for your books shoudn't worry, extra copies of Mein Kampf and the Protocols are already on back order.
EXTERNAL FUNDRAISING: Given the number of worldwide catastrophes over the last year or so, Samira wants to do a special fundraiser to show "Hamas Cares." Ideas of which catastrophe to support were solicited, with suggested candidates including:
- hurricane relief
PRINCIPAL'S REPORT: Mr. Abdullah interrupted at this point, complaining that we hadn't heard his 15 points, and raising some sort of point of order, but he was shouted down. He asked, presumably rhetorically, about the lack of concern for our children's academic success, and yadda yadda, but the caravan moved on...
MEDIA RELATIONS: One small point: when speaking to the press, it seems a few parents have been careless in talking about the Sheik. Remember, you're not required to mention he was in a wheel chair because of the gymnastics accident. Just say nothing, and let the listeners decide whether they'd rather believe it was the Israelis or a pommel horse that put him there. Also, please remind your children that the only picture they should smile for is their yearbook photo.
SPECIAL EVENTS REPORT: We need help sewing all the rat costumes for this year's upcoming school play, "Yasser and the Jews" so please pitch in. Also, get your reservations in early for next month's "Martyr's Dinner and Celebrity Roast."
KITCHEN REPORT: One of the food service technicians noticed that if you hold the transparent plastic traylids together at just the right angle, those little recycling triangles in the bottom corner can overlap to form the image of the Zionist Death Star. We've asked the Community Purity Committee to look into this and they're investigating a new supplier as we speak.
LIAISON REPORT: Funding for the UN-sponsored "Peace Through Coexistence" program has been spent. Anyone with any ideas what we should tell them we did with the money should submit them to Leila by next week because she needs to send in a report.
GROUNDS: Please don't park on the south side for carpool drop-off this month, you block the morning demonstrations and stone throwing
CONCLUSION: Meeting ended with a meditation circle on the theme, "There will be peace when the Jews are dead" and a group hug.
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