Friday, June 03, 2005

Top 10 Social Security Solutions 

Since George W. Stalin has been floundering in his attempts to find a solution for the Social Security problem that will satisfy the Democrats, I thought I would step in and suggest a few fresh ideas the Democrats might find more acceptable.
  1. Nationalize the fast food industry. All employees to be 67 or older, with any profits going straight into the lock box.
  2. Impeach the Chimp-in-Chief.
  3. Legislate socialized medicine, free health care and drugs on demand for all retirees -- the chimp and his chums can worry about their own problems, like how to pay for everything.
  4. Everyone making more than twice the average wage, that is, the uncaring rich: to the gulag baby! Those confiscated assets will pay for a lot of dentures and Lipitor.
  5. Index the length of the calendar year to the cost of living. This will drive everyone's age down, thus fixing the problem without reducing benefits or raising taxes.
  6. Think: what would Che do?
  7. Since the existing Ponzi scheme of "borrowing" from our children isn't going to work forever, start borrowing from our grandchildren.
  8. Every retiring worker receives one way to ticket to France and its cushy social safety net, effectively subcontracting the job.
  9. Wish harder.
  10. Get rid of Israel. There hasn't been a problem yet that couldn't be solved with less Israel.

Technorati Tags: , ,

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: