Sunday, June 26, 2005
Screw the Lightbulb
Confident that no dead horse can ever be sufficiently beaten, I hereby submit my top ten new lightbulb jokes.
Q: How many Hollywood movie stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but they have to be very small.
Q: How many observant Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but the woman has to go to the mikve first.
Q: How many Saudis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The Committee for the Prevention of Vice and Promotion of Virtue would never permit such screwing!
Q: How many insurgents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three and a half. One for the lightbulb. One to chain the first to the lightbulb so he doesn't run from his duty. The third stands by with a cell phone, in case the lightbulb holder chickens out. Plus an AP photographer.
Q: How many Bush administration members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Cheney, Rove and the religious right never said anything about any lightbulbs.
Q: How many Al Queda leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The cave needs no infidel lightbulbs. A torch is fine.
Q: How many Palestinian leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb with an exasperated look, while the other complains to the media that intransigent Israel is not meeting its roadmap obligation to screw the lightbulb in for them.
Q: How many IDF soldiers will it take to screw in a light bulb this summer?
A: Thousands. One to screw in the bulb, the rest to clear all the burning tires.
Q: How many members of Michael Jackson's entourage does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, really. The youngest helps Michael while the rest stand watch outside.
Q: How many (pick one: lawyers, tax collectors, insurance adjustors, ...) does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. They don't screw lightbulbs.
If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more:
Q: How many Hollywood movie stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but they have to be very small.
Q: How many observant Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but the woman has to go to the mikve first.
Q: How many Saudis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The Committee for the Prevention of Vice and Promotion of Virtue would never permit such screwing!
Q: How many insurgents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three and a half. One for the lightbulb. One to chain the first to the lightbulb so he doesn't run from his duty. The third stands by with a cell phone, in case the lightbulb holder chickens out. Plus an AP photographer.
Q: How many Bush administration members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Cheney, Rove and the religious right never said anything about any lightbulbs.
Q: How many Al Queda leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The cave needs no infidel lightbulbs. A torch is fine.
Q: How many Palestinian leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb with an exasperated look, while the other complains to the media that intransigent Israel is not meeting its roadmap obligation to screw the lightbulb in for them.
Q: How many IDF soldiers will it take to screw in a light bulb this summer?
A: Thousands. One to screw in the bulb, the rest to clear all the burning tires.
Q: How many members of Michael Jackson's entourage does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, really. The youngest helps Michael while the rest stand watch outside.
Q: How many (pick one: lawyers, tax collectors, insurance adjustors, ...) does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. They don't screw lightbulbs.
