Monday, June 20, 2005

In Awe of True Marketing Genius 

Imagine you work in marketing, and a client comes to you asking for help selling a chemical concoction that tastes surpisingly similar to what used to be called Maple Syrup. For most of us, this would be a tough sell. Perusing the ingredients would yield only a list of substances no one but a Latin instructor or a pharmacist could pronounce. Not only is its flavor faked, it's probably even artificially sticky.

But the True Marketing Genius digs deeper. The True Marketing Genius interviews the client to learn more, confident there is a proper placement for every product. After a few hours of persistent questioning, it might eventually emerge that the company's delivery trucks pass within a few hundred yards of a stand of maple trees as they roll out of the facility where this liquid is manufactured.

Oh! To experience that exquisite flipping of the internal switches! To bask in the glorious radiance as the bulbs blaze over the True Marketing Genius's head. Suddenly, the fog lifts, and a new campaign is born, one certain to have consumers begging for the privelege of shelling out their hard-earned cash for a plastic bottle of artificially sweet, runny brown broth.



Two Percent Real Maple! Why, with that much maple goodness, and my pollen allergies, I'm afraid I might sneeze myself to death, but what a way to go. Those delivery trucks, and their load of high fructose corn syrup, must really pick up a serious whiff as they roar past the Maple trees.

Of course this stuff is probably three percent truck exhaust, but nobody wants "3% Real Truck Exhaust Syrup". No, this is perfect, True Marketing Genius.

How did I discover this jewel in advertising's crown, you ask? Well, truth be told, I found it in our pantry. Believe it or not, I prefer totally artificial syrup to that "All Natural Vermont Goodness" crap my wife likes.

But I bought this one anyway.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: