Saturday, February 18, 2006

Everybody's Searching for Something 

I know, it's a cliched post, but I've been saving up interesting searches that landed on my blog for awhile, and I thought I'd dump them on you now.

First, there are a number of searches that showed me at or near the top of some unexpected categories I never really set out to dominate:

For instance, I'm #26 for young female suicide bombers in swimsuits.

But it gets better. #1 baby! I am looking for golden music of ABBA. Well you won't find it here.

Also #1 for how to moisturize flaked coconut for cooking. Do you think they bookmarked me?

Until a few weeks ago, I was the ONLY place (#1 without competition) for the phrase "night shift at costco". Unrivaled fame is one of the side benefits of blogging, but you've always got to watch your back. Now I'm #2.

A googler (or is that ogler) from Saudi Arabia checked in with women bikini fashion. This would barely merit comment -- aside from noting the irony of such a holy Islamic kingdom generating such obviously Zionist-inspired lewdness -- except I couldn't help noting the Saudi seeker actually browsed through 18 pages of results before clicking on my Israeli blog. That's a lethal combination of persistance and desperation, mixed with an unhealthy level of confidence in identity-cloaking proxy servers.

I'm also popular with Pakistani searchers, who found me in the #12 slot today for fat barest woman.com.

Here's one where I was top ranked a few months ago, and now I'm not even listed -- censorship? hmmm? emails of talented fish doctors in United Arab Emirates

Sometimes, I cannot for the life of me figure out what the searcher could have been looking for, or why they would have scrolled through 12 pages before clicking on me: pray wet owe online. Of course, I'm no longer listed on that page anymore, and I frankly don't care enough to bother checking whether I've moved up or down since then. I suppose if I was running google ads, I would have to follow that up and write some new content on the topic that is "rich in keywords" to help boost my value. I'm glad I'm not running ads.

Then there are some queries that just make me wonder:

experiment two dogs food starve to death equidistant Schrodinger I looked and Google has me at #1, but I'm sure that just by checking I ruined the experiment. (That's a physics joke, sorry).

site:blogspot.com circumcised piss dad. I pray this person found nothing here and never returns. Yuck. I'm going to have to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Finally there is the category of searches that say something about me:

My site is listed #1 for Gav was killed by and I'm not too happy about it.

And then there is sexy israeli men. Hey! I'm number 14! Not too bad for a geeky engineer dad. I suppose. I told this to my wife and she laughed. I'm pretty sure she, like me, thought it was funny I wasn't ranked higher.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: