Monday, May 16, 2005

Inquiring Palestinians Want to Know 

Inquiring Palestinians want to know, and they will have their answer. You see, their rotting, diseased bastard of a leader finally croaked after 75 years. For much of that time, the only thing uglier than his face had been his health: he had long suffered from Parkinsons' tremors, gall stones, rumors of stomach cancer, amd even taken numerous AIDS tests for some strange reason. So naturally, his last wheezing breath now just a memory, a question lingers in the air amongst polite Fatah society. They just want to know, now that the burying and fumigating is over: Who killed Arafat?

Entitled "Who killed Arafat," the campaign is being launched on one of Fatah's official sites (www.Fateh.tv). A statement issued by the organizers said their goal was to force the PA leadership to launch a serious investigation to end the mystery surrounding Arafat's death.
We need to be clear. We just want the truth. This is to be a serious investigation, with no preconditions, every option on the table. Of course, it's obvious that the cause of death is murder, assassination. But in finding out who, and how, we want to leave no stone unturned. After all, it might not simply be the Mossad. The Shin Bet can be a nasty bunch of buggers as well, and you can never rule out rogue settlers, or even Ariel Sharon himself. And then there is trying to figure out how they did it. Sure, sure, the Israeli death ray is the obvious culprit, but we cannot, a priori, rule out poisoned takeout pizza, or any other insidious Zionist methods.

Wait. You say you don't understand why it's so obvious it was murder? That maybe he just simply died?

Ha! Please! Anyone with the survival instincts of Arafat, able to cling so desperately to the last tenuous wisps of health for so long, a man who basically worked from his death bed for decades, surely a man like that couldn't just fly off to Paris and die in his bed. Obviously, the Martyr of Martyrs was murdered, that much goes without saying.

Watch your local mainstream media for future results of this serious investigation.

My leading candidate for cause of death: blood loss, from all the AIDS tests.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: