Friday, August 12, 2005

My Google Fame 

I'm sure this post, while cliched, is still considered overdue. After all, I've been blogging a virtual lifetime already -- almost 5 months -- and only now am I getting around to my first "Weird Search Terms" post.

Of course, it won't be a very long post since I haven't really hit the big time yet and don't get too many search engine vistors, but even the long-tail can hold a few surprises.

First up, my pride and joy: at one point, I had the ONLY match in ALL of google-space for the terms "islamophobe + frumster". You might expect that my meteoric success with these terms would have drawn oodles of other sites onto the bandwagon, eager for success with those elusive religiously bigoted yet Jewishly observant singles. But in fact, the opposite is true. Now even I don't show up with these terms. It looks like Google changed their algorithm and no longer gives me credit for the term "frumster" showing up in a certain link's url. So as of today (shhh!, don't tell anybody, this is just between us!) NOBODY has this collection of terms. I'll race you to it.

Next up, my brief success with laser teeth whitening products. For a few shining moments, my site actually held the number one spot in Yahoo's listing for the terms "laser teeth whitening products distributer korea". I know, I know, I couldn't believe it either. But then I sheepishly realized the secret of my success: I had mispelled distributor. What's even more amazing is how the barest sniff of my little blog's success was enough to tempt so many web marketing predators into following my lead. So today, I no longer even show up in Yahoo's results at all, and on Google, I only make the sixth page. But does anybody give me credit for my pioneering work here? Maybe if I fix my spelling mistake I'll do better.

My last achievement is one I didn't really expect, but aren't those the sweetest? Try googling for 'pregnancy" + "lebanese cheese"'. Yup, that's right. I'm there. Of course I'm number 4 out of only 5 matches, but I made the cut! And I'd like to thank somebody named Fankhauser at the University of Cincinatti's Clermont College Biology Lab for having a worse page rank than me. Sorry, dude, no link to you though, can't risk bumping your page rank.

Well, that's all for this time. I can't really predict how long it will take me to accumulate a few more google hits, but trust me, when I do, I'll milk them here for all they're worth.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: