Sunday, April 23, 2006
Let's deal with these well-trained and highly disciplined "special" forces one at a time.
- First up, in front, we have a cross-eyed, narcoleptic sharp shooter who cut his eye holes too far apart.
- The masked compatriot marching right behind him must be navigating with his heightened sense of smell to be able to follow in line because his eye hole is so far out of whack all he can see is fabric.
- Next in line is the macho-mustachioed Village People wannabe who, sadly, was so dumb he picked a helmet three or four sizes too big for his head. If his expression weren't so impotently fierce, he might almost come across as a cute little kid playing with Daddy's stormtrooper costume.
- Behind him is the guy who looks like Schneider the janitor from the old TV show One Day At A Time. I guess they make the unit's combat field-plumber go through full training just like everybody else -- attrition, you know.
- Next is a guy marching a bit out of line who has thus deprived us of a clear enough view to mock and ridicule his shortcomings.
- Behind him is another guy so short that we can only comment on his right eye which is barely visible peeking over "Out of Line's" shoulder, and which appears to be staring off into the distance rather than focusing on good, solid, synchronized marching. But what do you want in a sixth man? He's just not starter material.
- The last guy I can see well enough to critique is the dude near the back, right behind the short guy with the wandering eye, whose helmet appears to have completely fallen over his eyes, and perhaps his nose as well, thus limiting even his ability to smell his way behind the next in line. I feel certain that the next photos in this series would have showed him wandering out of line in a Gomer Pylian mismarch of epic proportions.