Monday, July 31, 2006

Hizballah Entertainment News: Way to Go Mel! 

Hizballah Entertainment News, July 31
Iranian Embassy sub-sub-basement, Beirut, Lebanon

Hizballah leader Hassan Nasrallah today released a statement exclusively to HEN lauding American filmstar, theologian and noted anti-Zionist historian Mel Gibson for his latest act of heroism. The Sheik, admitting he had always prefered George Clooney until now, was moved to speak out in support of the hunky infidel actor after learning via website TMZ of Mr. Gibson's wise and true statements, and the subsequent effort of the totalitarian American police state to cover them up and persecute the one-time director of the popular film known on bootleg Hizballah video-cassettes as "The Jews Killed Christ:"

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "F*****g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?" [...]

Deputy Mee then wrote an eight-page report detailing Gibson's rampage and comments. Sources say the sergeant on duty felt it was too "inflammatory." A lieutenant and captain then got involved and calls were made to Sheriff's headquarters. Sources say Mee was told Gibson's comments would incite a lot of "Jewish hatred," that the situation in Israel was "way too inflammatory." It was mentioned several times that Gibson, who wrote, directed, and produced 2004's "The Passion of the Christ," had incited "anti-Jewish sentiment" and "For a drunk driving arrest, is this really worth all that?"

We're told Deputy Mee was then ordered to write another report, leaving out the incendiary comments and conduct. Sources say Deputy Mee was told the sanitized report would eventually end up in the media and that he could write a supplemental report that contained the redacted information -- a report that would be locked in the watch commander's safe. [...]

On Saturday, Gibson released the following [HEN- obviously coerced]  statement:

"After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed..."
The text of Sheik Nasrallah's press release compliments Mr. Gibson effusively for his courageous outburst, sagely noting how "Mr. Gibson's arrest by the police demonstrates that the moment one speaks truth to Zionist power in America, one is silenced and hustled away -- with the gestapo officers even attempting to conceal any record of the heroic speech from the public record. And these American sons of pigs, monkeys, donkeys and ocelots have the nerve to brazenly parade themselves before the Islamic world as champions of this so-called right to free speech? Here in Nasrallah's Lebanon, everyone is free to speak their mind, unlike in America. We just believe in consequences for improper anti-Hizballah speech, but people die every day in America in arguments over the price of a Twinkie, so they should be so lucky to live here. As long as no one criticizes where we store our weapons, what's the problem?"

Sheik Nasrallah announced that in honor of Mr. Gibson's brave and forthright condemnation of the F*****g Jews the Hizballah leadership (that is, Sheik Nasrallah) would be sending the talented and perceptive actor the first of what will be a lifetime of regular weekly gifts -- some of the finest hooch Hizballah can afford to buy from the local UN Peacekeepers. Sheik Nasrallah explained that while holy Muslims such as himself cannot personally join Mr. Gibson in a toast over Hizballah's generous gift, "we nevertheless salute Mr. Gibson's anti-Jewish wisdom (quite advanced for an infidel) and invite him to enjoy as many toasts on his own as he'd like each day. We join Mr. Gibson in spirit if not spirits as he raises a glass, 'to the f***ng Jews!'"

The Sheik also wished it communicated to the actor/director/producer, after a number of such toasts, that he'd like to know if Mr. Gibson has received his manuscript for a children's film called "Honey, those mother-f****g Jews have stolen our land!" and what he thought of it. The Sheik sees Robin Williams as the crazy dad -- so long as he can prove he's not Jewish.

(hat tip: Meryl Yourish)

UPDATE: Welcome Instapundit readers, and thanks to Michael Totten for supplying everyone the map. There's lots more commentary on the Hizballah war, both silly and serious, on the front page. And for a little variety, feel free to browse some Hamas war commentary, also both silly and serious, listed on the sidebar. There are even a few posts thrown in commenting on Michael Moore's and Cindy Sheehan's various conflicts, if that interests you.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: