Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Childhood Memories of an Iranian Leader 

Scene: A young boy, future Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, approaches his mother.

Young Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Mom, I want a gun

Mom: No.

YMA: Why not?

Mom: Well, children don't need guns.

YMA: But that stupid neighbor boy, Hashemi, has one! I saw him with it at the bank!

Mom: Hashemi's 18.

YMA: So? He lives at home, I live at home... what's the difference?

Mom: And he's a security guard in a bank, he needs that gun to protect the customers.

YMA: Yeah, but ... but what if that idiot got mad at me... I don't know why, but you know how I'm always fighting with him... and what if he tried to shoot me? What then? How would I defend myself? Without a gun?

Mom: No!

YMA: That's not fair! It's just so not fair that he get's a gun and I don't! I hate Hashemi, I hope he dies.

Mom: Oh Mahmoud, sweetheart, we don't say such things. And that's just another reason why we don't give guns to impulsive children.

YMA: But it's not like I'm asking for a gun specifically for the purpose of shooting him Mom. I'm just hoping he dies a bloody bullet riddled death, that's all.

Mom: Do your homework first and then we'll talk about the gun some more when your Uncle comes back. He went to university in Europe so he'll know what to do.

Uncle: Hello everyone!

YMA: Hi Uncle, Mom won't let me have a gun. She's all worried I'm going to shoot that creep Hashemi with it.

Uncle: Oh nonsense. You're a good boy aren't you? You know better than that, right?

YMA: Well, I mean, it's like I really do hate Hashemi...and I can't wait to see his bloody carcass being dragged down the street by stray dogs, but I mean, well...yeah.

Uncle: Hmmm, so that's a yes then. Great. Well, I'll tell you what, Sis. Let's give him the gun, but we'll make a rule: whenever he wants to play with it, he has to promise to take all the ammunition out first and keep it in his pocket until he's done. That way there won't be any accidents. Brilliant, isn't it!

Mom: Yeah. Brilliant. Thanks.

YMA: Yeah! Brilliant! Thanks! I can't wait to show Hashemi. Can I have a silencer too?

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: