Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I was going to blog a moral evisceration of Diet Coke's latest marketing campaign here in Israel until a quick Google search turned up Diet Coke feel-good smackdowns going back at least to 2002 -- apparently I'm pretty late to the party. Times like this really drive home the price of living here in Back Waterburg: even the most obnoxious marketing campaigns take three years to get to me. Nevertheless, I've decided that writing about this would make me feel good, so against my better judgement I'm going to blog this stale crust of a topic anyway, consequences be damned!
I'm just astonished Diet Coke felt we all needed so much encouragement. It isn't like we need to overcome all that many inner reservations to do such a hideously repulsive thing as "what feels good." So Coca-Cola Corp must be pretty convinced that some external factor is standing between us and our pleasure, and like the late Rosa Parks, they feel they are in a position to embolden us to take a stand. A stand for what? If you want to see what The Man is denying us, what we need to fight for, just look at the ad. How long has it been since you've had the courage to smile, in public? How about to jump? Or, dare I say it, to dance (unless you're Kevin Bacon of course)?
The catharsis is overwhelming -- to finally be given permission, after all these years, to finally participate in the simplest of pleasures. I've wanted to smile so much but had forgotten how. Thank you Diet Coke. There is so much more I'd really like to do, and I'm sure I'm not alone:
- Thanks to Coke, I'm going to start cutting people off in traffic more. They deserve it, and it sure will feel good. Hopefully they won't be drinking Coke and trying to feel good at my expense at the same time so I can get away with it.
- I'm sure there's no chance the world's recovering cocaine addicts will have a problem with the words "Coke: do what feels good." And even if they do, what's the big deal? At least they'll feel good, even if its only for a couple hours a day, as long as they can steal enough money to keep up with the ever accelerating dosages required.
- I also think it will feel good to take a nice long nap at work from now on. Let's all do it and make the world a better place. Thanks again Coke.
- I'd like to buy the world a Coke, but wouldn't it feel better if the world bought me a Coke?! Of course it would. And for just pennies a year, if you all work together, you can have the satisfaction of knowing you've bought me a Coke (diet, and not that lemon flavored swill either). I know you can afford it, so start lighting up the donation hotlines immediately. It will make you feel good, but more importantly it will make me feel good.
- I can't explain it, but I just have this feeling that my fingers would feel so good after a long day at the keyboard if I wrapped each of them in their own individual slice of cheese before I went to bed. I'm sure the storm-trooper authorities will frown on this sort of thing, but hey, if I want to feel good, I gotta be me.
- I'm sure Wanton, Unprotected Sex Indices are jumping through the roof these last few years. Fortunately my girls won't be teenagers until a few years have passed to give all this feel good fever time to burn out.
- Dare I consider drinking a little more Diet Coke to help myself feel good? Actually, I'm quite the aspartame addict, so I'm pretty well maxed out already there. But nice try guys.