Monday, April 03, 2006

Iranian Threats 

As the Iranian nuclear threat looms ever more ominously, there has been a sudden rash of media stories making it clear just what a gauntlet will have to be run by any country trying to stop the Iranians, and what a price Iran will extract in revenge.

However, as it turns out -- super speedy torpedoes and stupendously stealthy missiles notwithstanding -- Iran really doesn't even need to bother threatening anyone -- not that this is likely to stop them. But apparently we prefer to do the job ourselves:

As tensions increase between the United States and Iran, U.S. intelligence and terrorism experts say they believe Iran would respond to U.S. military strikes on its nuclear sites by deploying its intelligence operatives and Hezbollah teams to carry out terrorist attacks worldwide.
And that pretty much seals the deal. It's better to sit tight and wait for Tel Aviv to mushroom rather than risk annoying Iranian sponsored terrorists. Besides, a lot of people don't even believe Iran's long-standing public threats to irradiate a fellow UN member state, expecting Iran instead to self-moderate once the coveted Islamic nukes are obtained.

It's funny though, because while so many choose not to believe Iran's nuclear threats, they are apparently more than willing to swallow most other foreboding Iranian pronoucements hook, line and sinker. When Iran -- a country relying on Russian, Pakistani and North Korean assistance to achieve its atomic ambitions -- issues a press release claiming to have leap frogged even US military technology with its own revolutionary new stealth missiles, unstoppable torpedos, and perhaps someday -- God-forbid -- its own Zionist death ray, these claims are immediately believed and published as objective fact.

What a strange credibility gap.

Iran threatens to nuke Israel? Mere rhetoric, ignore them. They threaten global terror offensives or claim to have top-secret super-spiffy weapons that should make it impossible to stop them from getting those rhetorical nukes? Completely credible, back off and cower immediately. No sense getting terrorists upset with us.

Which is really silly. Threats of Iranian terror in the event of a strike on its atomic weapons facilities are not the same as promises of good behavior in the event they are left to their own (nuclear) devices. As I'm sure we all know by now, if America or Israel attacks Iran, they will open the gates of Hell, etc. etc. And if they don't attack, Iran intends to open the gates for them anyway. So if there is going to be hell to pay either way, the world's fastest torpedo and stealthiest missile won't stop anyone from making sure Iran is the one to pay.

I pray the Iranian people wake up before they're the ones who have to cover their crazy regime's tab.

UPDATE: It just keeps getting better. The mad scientists in Iran just unveiled their third super special invention of the week: a Seagoing Magic Carpet, a "super-modern flying boat" capable of evading radar. Is the US military ready to surrender yet?

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: