Saturday, April 01, 2006

Was I a Prophet? 

Well, it might seem that way if you looked first at my satirical post from late-February about the conditions under which Borders might be permitted to open a branch in the Iranian Islamic Republic:

We have a very minor requirement of your world-wide operations. While you might take the Islamophobic position of refusing our suggestion on the grounds that Sharia is not yet globally enforced, we believe that forward looking businesses like yours should consider the longer view. Do not forget, the world is filled with 1.2 billion potential readers, or potential rioters -- the choice is in your hands. In that vein, we strongly recommend your existing stores modify their policy of stocking the shelves with books with those inflammatory covers, which include images of women, often scantily clad, images of the human form, and that of animals, not to mention various and sundry prophets. Wouldn't it be much wiser to simply stock books in plain brown covers?
If you then fast-forward a month to the present evidence of Borders' capitulation, I might seem eerily prophetic:

However, I have just learned that Borders and its affiliated Waldenbooks have banned the next issue of a publication, Free Inquiry, from your magazine shelves, because that publication is reprinting the controversial Danish cartoons of Muhammad on inside pages. The reason given by Borders is alleged fear of violence from radical Muslims, and desire to "protect" customers and employees.
Yes, it might LOOK like prophecy. But only on the surface. Just a little bit.

However, I wasn't being truly prophetic in the intentional sense, nor am I an actual prophet -- and I'm not just saying that to avoid a well-deserved death sentence. I really mean it. I was just being funny, or at least trying to be. But it seems you can write almost anything these days, no matter how absurd or ridiculous it might seem, and then just sit back for a month or so and wait for it to come true.

Now I'm afraid to think about what I should write next on this topic. That's a serious responsibility. How about this:

"In other news today, radical Islamic leadership throughout the world called on it's vast population of moderate co-religionists to respect freedom of expression everywhere, and further renounced its Caliphatic ambitions."

Ok, wake me in a month.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: