AbbaGav

The BBC reports that:

The US-based Council of Foreign Relations surveyed college-educated people in Egypt, Morocco and Indonesia. It found a lot of hostility towards the US, but also concluded that there was a chance for change.

What are some of the main things the U.S. needs to do differently?

The support of the educated elite in the Muslim world - the group surveyed - is vital for US-backed reforms, the report's authors say.

"Although many Muslims are angry at what they perceive America does, the right efforts to communicate can produce significant shifts in attitude.

"Such efforts would involve listening more, speaking in a humbler tone, and focusing on bilateral aid and partnership, while tolerating disagreement on controversial policy issues."

Well, this is really great. It's like they're just handing us a a step-by-step manual for how to win their affection. That's tremendous news. So let me get this straight, all we have to do is

• listen more (check, doing it right now)
  
• speak in a humbler tone (Ok, sir, your mullahship, we'll try)
  
• bilateral aid (that one is easy, we already have the aid going one way, so all we have to do now is accept aid coming back!)
  
• tolerate disagreement (no problem, there's plenty of disagreement to tolerate)

Come on guys! That's waaay too easy. If that's all it takes, I think the Islamic world isn't going to just like us, they're going to abolutely adore us! Are you sure there isn't something else we could do?

-- Well, now that you mention it, there are one or two other little details, almost not worth mentioning. But, since you asked, we might as well just say it, what with all this listening and humility and tolerance in the air. So, in addition to those big ones, if you could also take care of these last few minor little points, we should be able to wrap up this Jihad in no time:

• When we give speeches in Arabic about what we plan to do to the "infidels", please stop translating them and publishing them all over the web, it makes everything just so much more difficult for us.
  
• Could you please stop calling us the Religion of Peace, you always make it sound so sarcastic
  
• Please outlaw the barbaric forms of capital punishment going on in some of your states' prison systems. Beheading is much more humane.
  
• If you could pull all your troops back to, say, Tennessee, that would be most helpful.
  
• A few truckloads of those stinger missiles would be great, our leftovers from Afghanistan just aren't fresh enough to reach altitude anymore.
  
• While we're at it, you really ought to dismantle your nuclear arsenal, it's really bad form for a dhimmie to hold such weapons over the head of the Islamic people (although, before you dismantle them completely, if you could send a few of those round thingies that hold the plutonium to Iran, we'd be most appreciative for the help).
  
• And last, if you would hand over the Zionist state, it would make a nice downpayment on your future good will
  

There now, that's not so bad is it? What's all the fighting for?
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