AbbaGav

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Let Jimmy Carter Babysit For You

Some Important Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Should Babysit For You
-- From the Carter Center for Decency in BabySitting

His compassionate work with some of the world's leading tyrants leaves him well-equipped to deal with your "terrible two". Some sample techniques:
- "My what a talented screamer you are!"
- "Is five enough lollipops?"
- "Have you ever spanked an ex-President?"
Your kids took a vote and, in a close race supervised by Jimmy himself, they picked him as their new babysitter. We know you didn't ask for his help, but he thought it was important.
He is a Nobel Prize winner, how many parents have a Nobel Prize winner babysitting for them?
The lust thing was only in his heart.
You won't come home to children all riled up from arguing with the babysitter about that 8pm bedtime, as Jimmy's negotiating skills will have helped everyone mutually agree on an 8:30pm compromise. Of course, the kids will likely still be awake at 11:30pm, but that should allow you quality time to get in that last nurturing hug.
His Nobel Prize was for seeking peaceful methods to solve conflict, not warmongering like some presidents, and that's got to be good for kids, right?
He's full of great stories that kids love:
- He can tell your kids about the little green men.
- The story of how he fought off the giant killer rabbit with nothing but a boat oar and bravery is always a favorite.
- The amazing tale of his trip to Africa to battle worms
As a trained nuclear engineer, he will be able to recognize any early signs of radiation sickness in your kids, should they develop while he's on duty -- peace of mind few babysitters can offer.
Did we mention the Nobel Prize?
He'll work for peanuts.