Thursday, November 03, 2005

Guarding the Mural? 

A Palestinian police officer stands guard next to a mural of the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat outside the offices of Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas in Gaza City,Thursday Nov. 3, 2005. Palestinians will mark the one year anniversary of the death of the late Palestinian leader who died in a Paris hospital Nov. 11, 2004, later this month. (AP Photo/Adel Hana)
Guarding the mural? Why on Earth would they have to guard the mural of their beloved "martyred" leader? This made absolutely no sense to me until I did a little research, and discovered a translation of the "mural patrol's" rules of engagement, identifying the various threats they are to be on guard against:

O, great guardians of the painted tiger, keep your thoughts on the virgins of heaven, but your backside to the martyr's face. Safeguard the memory of his most revered and whiskered carcass against all infidel forces:
  • Zionist pigeons
  • Hordes of adoring female admirers of the late Chairman, whose lipstick prints must not be permitted to mar his majestic visage.
  • Jilted former bodyguards of the deceased leader who are angry about... well, just watch out for them.
  • Packs of stray dogs trained by the Mossad to mistake the Rais's regal red nose for a fire hydrant
  • Misguided youth worked up after an afternoon watching MTV on the satellite channels wanting to paint "2Pac 4Ever" on Arafat's Kefiyah.
  • Suha Arafat, disgruntled former roommate and co-signer on the family Visa card, possibly convinced that "the money" is hidden in a vault behind the mural. Ignore her words and guard the mural with your life to your last drop of blood.
Best of luck and may you be blessed by the Most Merciful etc. and etc.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: