Monday, January 30, 2006

Iran, The Moderate Centrists 

Who knew?

While the political and punditry worlds struggle to make sense of Hamas' ascendence, objective media forges ahead doing its usual amazing job of providing the customary, balanced presentation, carefully allotting equal time to two competing propositions: Israelis, who believe they should be allowed to live; and Hamasniks, who believe Israelis should die.

But modern media realizes that simply presenting two haggling polarized positions doesn't provide readers enough context. It's also important to seek out that rational moderate position, the compromise that squats somewhere in the sensible middle ground. In this case, the compromising centrist opinion comes from none other than our lovable friends in Iran:

A newscaster on Iranian state television read out a response from Iran's minister of defense, Gen. Mostafa Mohammad Najjar, yesterday.

"Zionists should know that if they do anything evil against Iran, the response of Iran's armed forces will be so firm that it will send them into eternal coma, like Sharon," Najjar said.
I don't know why, but I smell Swedish cash in the air here. Two stubborn parties, stuck at an impasse, unable to decide whether Israelis should live or die, when along comes the genius of this Carter-like, Nobel-worthy proposal: split the difference, shoot for an eternal coma. Maybe we can call it the Sleeping Beauty option. It's brilliant really.

Now don't you feel more informed? Have I empowered you to make an enlightened choice amongst the various and sundry alternatives?

And I didn't even go to journalism school.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: