Saturday, January 28, 2006

Suggestion to US Porkbusters: Why Not Vote Hamas? 

I've been trying to wrap my head around the meaning of last week's Hamas victory at the Palestinian polls and am stuck momentarily on swallowing the "it was just an anti-corruption protest vote" pill. It seemed to me that there has to be another alternative somewhere between the "wanton corruption" and "eternal jihad" poles, but I wasn't educated in Palestinian schools to share their healthy tolerance -- if not outright affinity -- for the genocidal worldview, so what do I know? Finally I just sugar-coated the whole thing and I've almost got it down now.

But as I struggle to swallow it, I was suddenly slapped silly by the importance of this victory. For the last few months, I've been reading of the valiant efforts of Pork-Busters like Instapundit and N.Z. Bear to battle the United States Government's own porcine practices. It was painfully obvious to me: they've been going about this thing entirely the wrong way! They're all hung up on certain preconceived notions about terrorism that prevent them from seeing the obvious answer, even as it stares them right in the face.

If you want to bust some pork, why not vote Hamas?

They are, after all, the anti-corruption party. They can run schools and terror cells with equal aplomb -- and on a tight budget too. The consensus is that as a political party they poll EXCEEDINGLY well on issues of good government and are famous for their anti-pork views. True, they may kill the occasional Jew, dream of a caliphate from sea to shining sea, and tend to shoot off automatic weapons when celebrating election victories, weddings, children's birthday parties and poetry readings. But that's not the reason people vote for them, so don't freak out about it.

Think about it. If you want to bust pork, vote for the number one pork-busting party, Hamas -- now with Kosher certification by Jimmy Carter.

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