Thursday, April 27, 2006

Top Ten Situations When Whining is Appropriate 

As most parents can tell you, whining is definitely one of the favorite tools in any child's toolbox, yet one which in reality should be seldom used -- youngsters eventually learn about a recent innovation of civilization called "words." Nevertheless, I have to admit that there are a few times when whining is an appropriate response. Approximately ten times. To be exact.
  1. When your little brother isn't required like you are to clear his dishes from the table before getting a scoop of flaming neon green ice cream, just because he's two.
  2. When you really, really need a slice of that good cheese imported from America, and your parents stubbornly refuse to go there and get some for you, now.
  3. When people you wish to kill refuse to give you money that really should be yours by right, and now you can't afford all the ammunition and explosives you need to do the job right.
  4. When your parents go upstairs and find your socks for you, only to hand them to you IN THE WRONG ORDER.
  5. When final tallies on election night don't match Democratic exit polls.
  6. When a REALLY good television show that you NEVER get to see is on, and your parents refuse to believe that those fifteen circled pages of math homework are OPTIONAL.
  7. When transfer payments as a percentage of GDP aren't rising as quickly as you'd like, and they never rise as quickly as you'd like.
  8. When your parents won't make your sister let you have the GOOD spoon, and you're stuck with that spoon's evil twin instead.
  9. When infidel peoples refuse to adopt your religious positions and dogma as a starting point for a rational discussion of the terms of their surrender.
  10. When the Jews are somehow handed their own country, and in defending it are allowed to exact a price from their attackers, thus making it that much harder to repeatedly attempt their destruction until you get it right.
Fortunately, those are the only times whining is appropriate, which is good because how often do they really come up?

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