Monday, May 01, 2006
- Jewish Israeli bloggers know that the only reason their country is not on the UN Security Council is the presence of implacable, irrational international animosity. Rabid Laker fans are certain the only reason that little rat-haired runt Steve Nash (the Mad Eye Moody of Phoenix) could be winning the MVP this year over our own Kobe Bryant is the overriding Laker hatred and jealousy of the voting sportswriters.
- Jewish Israeli bloggers know that no Europlomat will ever lift a finger to help the Jewish State, because they're all too busy working out creative ways to fund Israel's enemies, even if that funding is going to be used to purchase Europe-busting nukes and missiles. Rabid Laker fans are convinced the only reason they haven't received superstar Kevin Garnett in trade for their benchwarming refuse is the refusal of any other GM to help the Lakers out, no matter what, even if it means hurting their own team by not having the services of benchwarming Laker refuse.
- Jewish Israeli bloggers would have almost nothing to write about (except for Jack, of course) if it weren't for the unending media bias that always tries to subtly paint Israel in the worst possible light while excusing the misdeeds of her enemies. Rabid Laker fans can generate pages long discussion threads decrying the media fiction that LeBron's jersey outsold Kobe's -- everybody knows there isn't a closet left in the world that doesn't own at least one and maybe two Kobe jerseys already, so nobody needed to buy another one this year.
- Jewish Israeli bloggers know that whenever a Palestinian stubs his toe, the IDF will be blamed loudly and immediately, with back page, fine print retraction coming only a week later after Israel completes the investigation proving its advanced toe-stubbing missiles were not used that day. Rabid Laker fans know that back when Kobe was framed for rape he was pilloried by the media and considered guilty until proven guilty, at least up to the point they had to change their story to one of how a guilty superstar bought his way out of jail with fame and wealth.
- Jewish Israeli bloggers feel intense personal joy when an Israeli wins a bronze Olympic medal in mens' synchronized 8.23 meter sailboard ballet. Rabid Laker fans let our a yelp of joy when Kobe's shot finds nothing but net as the buzzer sounds, lifing the Lakers to another fantastic, improbably playoff victory -- even if it is one thirty in the morning and the shouting risks waking up the kids or neighbors.
- Jewish Israeli bloggers are willing to sacrifice several hours of sleep a night in pursuit of their craft. Rabid Laker fans, especially those in Israel, are also willing to sacrifice hours of sleep in order to psychically or psychotically improve their team's chances by watching or listening to their playoff games.
Life is good. Tiring, but good.