Monday, November 07, 2005
Well, technically, I could always ignore the meme and take the high road -- do a thoroughly researched and uproariously cutting piece criticizing this or that. But frankly, I lack the intellectual momentum to carry anything like that off tonight. I think a meme is just what the doctor ordered. So without further adieu, nor much ado, here are tonight's 7 pre-selected Meme categories:
7 Things I Can Do:
- I can crank out html-bullet lists really quickly and easily
- I can blog even when I have absolutely nothing to say
- I can read minds, but not very well. I knew you were going to think that. At least I was pretty sure.
- I can actually judge a book by its cover. That is, after all, why they invented them.
- I can teach my kids to detect BS. I just give it to them in quantities that would make Calvin's father blush.
- I can spin a book on my finger. I used to use cushions but people got mad about the holes it wore in them.
- Ubbai cabbann spubeak Ubbubbaby Dubbubbaby rabeallaby fabast, cabann yabou?
7 Things I Can't Do:
- Can't suffer an open, unfinished bag of M&Ms to live.
- Can't vomit. Used to do it all the time. Now it's impossible. I can burp though.
- Can't seem to write that perfect rhetorical barb that will put all the world's idiots in their place and usher in an era of world peace. It's just out of reach.
- Can't beat the 80/20 rule of diets: Losing 80% of the weight is 20% of the effort and the rest is impossible.
- Can't dunk a basketball anymore. ("Anymore." Ha! Did I manage to sneak that one by anybody?)
- Can't reliably count to seven when making unordered html-bullet lists
7 Celebrity Crushes:
- Britney and Kevin
- Miss Piggy and Kermit (maybe that's true love, sometimes it's hard to tell)
- Brad and Angelina
- Brad and Jennifer (I just can't accept that it's over)
- Ben and Jennifer (Now why did that one come to mind? I can accept that it's over.)
- Madonna and what's his name... I just can't think of that guy's name, you know.. the guy Madonna is married to... don't tell me the guy's name, it'll come to me.
- Ohhh! Celebrities that **I** have a crush on. That would be my wife. She's probably not such a celebrity in any circles that you would know of, but at least in our family she's very famous.
7 Things I Find Attractive/Sexy:
- An ability to laugh at my jokes. All of them. Even the physics jokes -- "What's new? E over H. Haaa haaa haaa!" Sexy!
- Unbelievable patience and tolerance.
- Those objectified body parts that we men hold so dear, in no particular order because they're all good.
- More of those body parts.
- Yup that one too.
- Oh, and I love those also.
- My wife, Sharon. :)
7 Things I Say Often:
- fartapotamous -- that almost always works with the under 9 set.
- stop hitting your sister
- Sharon!!!!?? Where's the... Oh never mind
- Coolerific, fantabulous, stupendish
- Yes, kids actually, I am asleep
- Is that chocolate pudding or should I call the vet?
- I love you.
7 Things I Hope To Do Before I Die:
- Play a professional sport. But I'm still waiting for them to invent the right one.
- Give my children lots and lots of parenting advice, then sit back and have a good long chuckle.
- See the Clippers in the NBA Finals. That should lock in a good long lifespan.
- Write something great, hopefully realizing it when it happens so there's even the slightest chance of publication, fame and unimaginable wealth. Or at the very least an Instalanche.
- Make sure the house is clean, my papers are in order and the plants are all watered. I remember how important that was to my grandmother.
- Squeeze every last drop of love out of my heart.
- Inspire somebody. Maybe even more than one person.
7 Bloggers I'd Like to Infect with This Meme:
- I'll take seven volunteers. Anybody?
- How about you Wade?
- Anne? Did you do this one yet?
- Still waiting for those volunteers. Don't be shy.
- Can you Caption a meme? I hope so because it would be hilarious.
- Technorati needs to add a search that returns blogs which haven't done a meme yet. It would make this part much, much easier.
- What? No volunteers yet? All right then, that's enough for today. Class dismissed.