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Thursday, February 02, 2006

Muslim Groups Want Kofi to Handle the Danes 

According to Al Jazeera, the OIC and the Arab League, the "Muslim world's two main political bodies" are turning to the UN for help in their conniption fit over cartoons published in a Danish newspaper. Apparently the boycott against Danish products, threats of suicide attacks against Danish targets, and of course the moral rectitude of Bill Clinton, have not yet succeeded in extracting the expected dhimmitude from Danish Prime Minister, Anders Fogh Rasmussen (pbuh).

Perhaps the fact that the Muslim organizations are turning to the UN is the first sign this isn't as serious as we thought? I'm trying to imagine exactly what sort of help they think they're going to get out of Kofi:

Kofi Annan:
So gentlemen, let me refer you to our Department of Deliberative Dialog, 23rd floor, second door on the...
Lead Moderate Imam:
Kofi, Kofi, please, don't play games with us. We worked with Saddam and the Iranians. Heck, we're the ones who invented the Department of Deliberative Dialog. Let's talk.
Kofi:
Look, guys, I can probably get you a watered down General Assembly resolution, maybe even this month, but you've got to give me something to work with here, a statement urging calm -- anything.
Imam:
A resolution! I'm supposed to calm the seething Arab street with another of your whimpering resolutions? This is serious Kofi. You saw the riots last year, and that was just for a freakin' Koran in the toilet. This cartoon thing is a powder keg my fine feckless friend.
Kofi:
How about I get you an Annual UN Holocaust Scientific Research Day? Maybe issue a David Irving commemorative stamp to go with it. I think I could pull that off next time Bolton takes a vacation.
Imam:
Can you promise it will always fall on the Jewish Sabbath? When the Jews show up at these scientific events, it just gets so tedious with all their objections and counterpoints. Ptui.
Kofi:
I wish I could, otherwise it has to be Sundays and that clashes with my golf lesson. Plus I have to be careful to give the appearance of balance or they'll come down all over me, you know how it is.
Imam:
Hey, I feel your pain, but that just isn't going to cut it this time Kofi.
Kofi:
Ok, I wasn't going to bring this up, but hear me out. It won't be easy, since it's too hot to bring Kojo in on anything yet, but I think I can work something out. I'm thinking about a 1% global internet tax -- across the board -- to, get this, foster world peace and understanding. We'll do some programs, bring in some of your people as consultants, it'll...
Imam:
Kofi. Kofi! Snap out of it! It's not about money! Or at least it's not only about money. It's about honor, Muslim honor. About religious dignity, our religious dignity. It's about simple human rights, the right not to have the Prophet defamed and blasphemed by the so-called rights of others. I need a serious offer this time.
Kofi:
[gulp]Well, what if I could get you a signed, personal, written apology from every Danish citizen? -- but that's it, that's the best I can do.
Imam:
And the resignation of the infidel government that allowed this blasphemy to occur in the first place? I can't just bring back apologies without some assurance this will never happen again.
Kofi:
Please, you know we don't do regime change. I'm sorry, I really am.
If this means our hopes are resting on Kofi's shoulders I'm not sure what to think. Somehow counting on Kofi doesn't seem like much of a strategy unless you need to launder funds for palace construction.

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// posted by AbbaGav @ 2/02/2006 01:06:00 AM |  |  | Permalink | EmailThis!
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