AbbaGav

Boker tov, Boulder has come across an almost impossible-to-solve riddle:

What if a group of families from Kenya moved to the Gaza Strip and started an agricultural settlement. Would Kofi Anan say that they have to leave because they are not Arab, or could they stay because they are not Jews?

World Girl Rants is mostly back after a bit of a hiatus, and has some very informative work definitions to share with us:

The Penske File
Definition: A notebook or file folder you carry around to make it look like you are on the way to a meeting, when really you are going to your friend's office to hang out.

Go take a look, maybe share some of your own. And be sure to encourage her not to do the hiatus-thing again.

Then there is this one via The House of Wheels as summarized by Jawa Report:

Short version: Liberal TV producer asks soldiers to stand behind General. Liberal TV host asks General if situation isn't safe given that General needs soldiers standing behind him to protect him. General gets pissed.

House of Wheels points out how this is just another example of stage-managed pseudo-news.

Scott explains a little bit of how juggling affects him and why he so looks forward to juggling conventions:

Also, I got really sore in a few weird places. I'm used to the fact that the bottoms of my feet always ache since I'm not used to being on my feet all day. The unusual pain I had this year was under my arms from all the rubbing as I juggled. Another annoying thing was that the skin on my fingertips got dry and cracked from moving through the air so much. And the cracks bled a lot when bumped by clubs. Oh, the bumps! I got lots of bangs with my new heavy one-piece clubs: on my fingers and bones in my hand, on the head and face, and on the toes. Ouch!

I'm almost tempted to start juggling seriously myself. Almost.

Israellycool is running a caption contest on a picture that looks like it could be a poster for the Sexual Harrassment Prevention Institute.

Trouble finding your keys? Apparently Daled Amos knows the trick to solving that problem, but as a public service he's not sharing the details of exactly how it works.

Regina Clare Jane has a post that will make you want to call your mother. I know I wish I could.

Soccer Dad follows the Saudi money trail all the way to the Palestinians and surprisingly, with a little help from the Elder, discovers the trail isn't so big as they'd have you believe. The bad news is there are other, bigger money trails.

3500 content-rich posts in 2 years! That can only be the bloggiversary of one unique Random Thinker.

Meryl Yourish has the story of eight ancient "new" species recently discovered in million-year-old caves not far from the town where I live. I was going to post on this, but Meryl covered it so well I can't bring myself to say anything except: read her version.

Ezzy described his sleep-deprivation habits and I flashed back to my younger college days. If only I'd had a blog back then, when I was able to survive on three hours a night. Instead, I just sat around with my friends eating 3am pizza, not doing homework and not studying for finals. Those were the days.

Crossing the Rubicon2 has the scoop, with a hat tip to the nation of Syria, on Israel's discovery of a time machine, just so we can embroil the world in more and bigger wars!

Wild Thing blogs about the back alley interview with a big wig Hamas enforcer who happens to be the official security chief of their new terrorist government. I was inspired to contribute just a little bit to the photo accompanying her post:


Isaac Schrodinger quotes part of an immensely sensible interview and adds his own usual good sense to boot.

Ok, that's all for tonight. Go make your Shavuot cheesecake.

Just in case you missed the announcements when Haveil Havalim #71 was first posted, I thought I'd direct your attention to West Bank Mama's truly inspirational summary of the Jewish Blogging World's finest for the week just passed.

Next week's host is Jack so get those entries in the mail now. That man thrives on volume, and it only makes him stronger.

All the UN protests of extra-judicial killings somehow failed to make me fail any great sympathy for terrorists neutralized with incomplete paperwork. It seems the only ones who can really muster my sympathy for Palestinian victims of extra-judicial killings is great mobs of other Palestinians. Via the Jerusalem Post:

Masked Al Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades gunmen on Tuesday publicly executed a Palestinian man and woman they suspected of having spied for Israel.

The man was shot dead in the main street of a refugee camp, with a large crowd looking on. The woman was later shot to death by her relatives in the courtyard of the West Bank's largest hospital.

Nothing worth protesting here I'm sure, unless Israeli bullets manufactured in the territories were used. I would express sympathy to the families, except they appear to be the ones who did much of the killing -- but certainly the young woman's four children have my condolences and anger on their behalf.

Abu Mustafa, a mother of four, was shot by gunmen and male relatives on grounds that she shamed her clan. More than 15 people took part in the execution, witnesses said. It took place in the courtyard of Raffidiyeh Hospital, the West Bank's largest.

The mob originally planned to kill her in the street but were swayed by a man who pleaded with them not to carry out the killing in the view of little children could. She was then taken into the courtyard of the hospital, said Yousef Mahmoud, 18, who witnessed the killing.

Such compassion is making me sick.

So much needs to change around here before there can be peace, and I'm not talking about the route of the security fence.

Four terrorists were killed near the border in Gaza. Haaretz has both the story and a very telling picture:

I'll be watching the newswire for headlines of the funeral coverage story. When those stories come, please keep the picture above in the back of your mind, so you'll remember exactly what those "Gazans" were attempting to do when they were so rudely interrupted.

It wouldn't shock me at all later today to see headlines like "Israelis kill four in Gaza" or "Gazans mourn four killed in Israeli strike" -- and yes, I'm perfectly aware that I've reached a point of terminal cynicism. I now have more cynicism coursing through my veins than the combined total of all the lab rats that have ever died in cycnicism toxicity studies.

Yet I continue to blog. Science has no answer.

UPDATE: The Elder of Ziyon brings us the expected context-free coverage of the grieving relatives of the deceased would-be rocket launchers, and much more as well -- definitely worth your time.

==========================

** If the link doesn't work, try this one and then click the "how can we learn from it" link found there.

Oprah's Jenin Week (best read in order)
Day 1: Mothers
Day 2: Poet
Day 3: Go Girl
Day 4: Snitch
Day 5: Massacre
Epilogue: Exposed

Linked with thanks to Pirates! Man Your Women, Point Five, Third World County and Stop the ACLU.

Technorati Tags: parody, oprah

One glance at this picture and it was obvious to me something big is afoot amongst the international movements most supportive of the Palestinian causes, including the Non-Aligned Movement. How else to explain the use of a celebrity body double for PLO "political head" Farouk Kaddoumi? The man pictured is clearly not Farouk Kaddoumi but either Rupert Murdoch:


Or Jerry Falwell:


This clearly means something huge is underway. But what could it be?

So I did a little investigating and uncovered the following little known organizational updates from around the pro-Palestinian world:

• At the urging of (the so-called) Farouk Kadoumi, the Non-Aligned Movement called on all member states to reaffirm their alignment in opposition to Israel, the US and the West.
  
• Leaders of many 3rd World states gathered to iron out details of a plan to improve the economic standing of all 3rd World nations: by attacking as many 1st and 2nd World states as necessary until the 3rd World at least reaches a tie for 2nd World.
  
• The Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO) recommitted itself to the principle that Palestinian refugees should not be liberated from their squalor -- even to live in Israeli-built condo-splendor -- until certain ominous but vaguely worded goals are fully achieved.
  
• The PLO also announced a name change to avoid future confusion on such "liberation" related issues, switching to the more accurate "Palestinian Obliteration Organization" (POO). Diplomats are already canvassing European capitals in search of funding to replace all existing PLO stationary with POO.
  
• The UN Human Rights Committee/Commission/Club/Klatch announced it had finally decided on a new manifesto for the prioritization of the application of universal human rights: starting with all-powerful totalitarian tyrants, and working down from there, one individual at a time, until the human rights of each individual human are carefully considered, or until the delegates have to break for Happy Hour at Kofi's Cantina.

What AP fails to report is any indication of what I believe Abu Rish means in English -- The Green Leaf Brigades. Decked out in colorful attire, masks brightly festooned with their 5 pointed green emblems, the Green Leaf Brigades held the most festive and copacetic rally seen in the Strip in many years. The sweetly scented air was filled with chants and slogans as the Fatah-affiliated group promoted its agenda:

• We're high on Jihad!
  
• Make munchies, not peace!
  
• Death to the hemp-hating hooligans of Hamas!
  
• Stop sanctions, Europe, we're running low on herb!
  
• Dude! Duuuuude!
  
• There is no God but Allah, Muhammed is his Prophet, and I can't feel my face!
  
• What? I'm not driving -- I thought you were driving!

Attempts to question the group's leaders on the exact nature of their goals were unsuccesful, as no Green Leaf representatives showed up to the post-rally press conference.

On Sunday security forces loyal to Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas demonstrated the latest super-secret weapon they are deploying in their onging battle with Hamas militants to determine which faction has the right to embezzle generous European relief funds:

Careful scientific studies have proven that the mere grizzled visage of late Terrorist-in-Chief Yasser Arafat has the power to kill at 45 meters and even intervening walls or armor scarcely blunt its nauseating power. The studies have been leveraged to create the latest Palestinian superweapon, the al-Arafat, a portable portrait which can be carried into skirmishes or placed at sensitive locations to establish zones of security. It is expected that Hamas militants will respond with modular barf-bag attachments for their scary masks and are expected to march on an empty stomach in upcoming shows of force.

In related media-watch news, several Reuters photographers were severely stricken and rushed to Israeli trauma wards choking on their own vomit after unsuccessful attempts to photograph the new al-Arafat weapon. Apparently only AP received the memo warning never to film the al-Arafat directly, rather only in reflection.

Oprah's Jenin Week (best read in order)
Day 1: Mothers
Day 2: Poet
Day 3: Go Girl
Day 4: Snitch
Day 5: Massacre
Epilogue: Exposed

** NOTE: the original photo is a famous staged photo from Afghanistan that shows yet again how you cannot always count on the hard-hitting objectivity of news photographers. It is included in this parody as a representative of the complicit media's willingness to help perpetuate lies so long as those lies are harmful to the US or Israel. The "Jenin massacre" is such a lie, and the text reporters were as much a part of the sales team as the photographers this time, giving an open and uncritical channel for wildly untrue accusations on the part of Palestinians intimately involved in the conflict and with an obvious agenda that should have merited at least a little skepticism. The picture is not of any Palestinian house, nor is it intended to imply any specific act of photographic fakery in Jenin.

Technorati Tags: parody, oprah, hamas, massacre, israel, lies, jenin

Oprah's Jenin Week (best read in order)
Day 1: Mothers
Day 2: Poet
Day 3: Go Girl
Day 4: Snitch
Day 5: Massacre
Epilogue: Exposed

Technorati Tags: parody, oprah, hamas, informants, israel, snitch, jenin, oprah gives away cars

A recent New York Times editorial I would generously call the piece naive, except I suspect their intent was sophistication rather than naivete.

But it takes a naive sophistication indeed to criticize Israel even for unilaterally withdrawing from territories from which the Palestinians themselves have long demanded withdrawal. At the rate this is going, the next Israeli government could suggest all Jews be forcibly removed from the region, and the Times editorialists would lament the unilateral Israeli assumption of docking rights for evacuation boats rather than the mass swimming exhibition some in the region would have prefered.

So I'll just keep it simple and offer for your blog-reading enjoyment a smattering of sophisticated stupidities -- a sort of Fisk-lite if you will:

But Mr. Bush should not punish the Palestinian people by endorsing any unilateral proposal -- doing that would punish them for exercising their democratic right to vote.

Kind of like everyone who wants to boycott Israel or divest from Israel or impose UN General Assembly sanctions, or obliterate the Jewish state in a nuclear attack feels justified in wanting to punish Israelis for the actions of the government they democratically elected. Remember, winning a vote does not automatically confer moral legitimacy and immunity to any and all positions taken by the government thus elected -- case in point, all the tyrants elected with far greater majorities than even Hamas or Israeli governments.

Mr. Olmert's proposal has two parts, and the first one is fine: to withdraw Israeli settlers and troops from vast areas of the occupied West Bank. That's a worthy goal, and one that has been way too long in coming.

The problem is with the second part of the proposal: to retain several large settlement blocs in the Palestinian West Bank. That's a recipe for disaster.

So unilateral Israeli surrender is fine, as long as it is complete and unconditional. Give up all of the territory now, including areas that weren't even under consideration under final status talks, and then sit back and wait for the Hamas-led Palestinians to decide how to respond to such gratuitous largesse: with Qassams, Katyushas, or Semtex.

Anyone who has ever really looked at a map of Israel, the West Bank and Gaza can see how hard it will be to form a Palestinian state. Even a future Palestine that includes all of the West Bank and Gaza is still going to be in two pieces with Israel in the middle, separating Gaza from the West Bank.

And this uncomfortable truth is somehow ameliorated by criticizing even Israel's unilateral pullbacks? Is there any action Israel could take, other than suicide, that could solve this particular problem? It seems to me that some other creative solution will just have to be found, because there is not yet an electoral majority of Israelis in favor of national suicide, although a little self-mutilation isn't out of the question.

Might the Palestinians consider forming 2 states for themselves instead of one -- the People's Republic of Gaza, and the Chaotic State of West Bankia? It actually could make sense as it would give them twice as many votes in the UN with which to bash their neighbor. It would also allow the New York Times and various news agencies to open twice as many Palestinian bureaus -- a win-win all around.

Until then, I would humbly request the New York Times keep its ever-ready criticisms to itself until such time as it can offer something more constructive to recommend to Israel than immediate and unconditional surrender -- something usually recommended to the party that is losing a war. From reading the New York Times, were it not for Israel's continued and troublesome existence, one could be forgiven for getting the impression Israel had lost every war launched against it.

See also some great points raised by Israel Matzav in response to the same editorial. (And a tip of the hat to Soccer Dad for pointing this out.) IN ADDITION, you owe it to yourself not to miss The Elder's smackdown of this piece; it's a beauty.

UPDATE: More at Daled Amos, Backspin, In Context, Simply Jews and Soccer Dad

NOTE: This is parody, and not intended to imply anything about Oprah's real life attitudes regarding the Middle East. It's just a cheap pandering ploy for traffic based on riding Oprah's prodigious coattails. In fact, Yourish points out that Oprah is doing a series of episodes this week from Auschwitz with Elie Wiesel, even if it is with the usual Oprah style. (hat tips: West Bank Mama and Eric from Flig).

Oprah's Jenin Week (best read in order)
Day 1: Mothers
Day 2: Poet
Day 3: Go Girl
Day 4: Snitch
Day 5: Massacre
Epilogue: Exposed

Linked with thanks to Rhymes with Right, TMH's Bacon Bits, Cigar Intelligence, Stuck on Stupid and This May...or Not

Technorati Tags: parody, oprah, hamas, feminism, israel, britney's burqas, jenin, britney spears

Oprah's Jenin Week (best read in order)
Day 1: Mothers
Day 2: Poet
Day 3: Go Girl
Day 4: Snitch
Day 5: Massacre
Epilogue: Exposed

Linked with thanks to Pirate's Cove, Outside the Beltway, Planck's Constant and Adam's Blog

Technorati Tags: parody, oprah, hamas, poetry, israel, work accidents as poetic justice, jenin

Haaretz reports on Jordanian demands in the wake of the murder of one of its citizens by Palestinian gunmen:

Jordan demanded a swift Palestinian inquiry after one of its diplomatic staffers was killed Monday and seven other people were wounded as a new Hamas-led security force exchanged heavy fire with gunmen near the Palestinian parliament building in Gaza City.

So what's the problem? Aren't Palestinian inquiries always swift?

If they Jordanians wanted to focus on a problematic area of Palestinian justice, it probably should have been on the famous revolving door instead, which usually administers only the slightest tap on the tuches of each exiting terrorist killer as they are freed, reminding them to be more careful next time not to inconvenience everyone so by getting caught. Perhaps the Jordanians should be requesting both a swift inquiry and a subsequent fatal whack of the revolving door to the killers' heads instead of the traditional love tap to their departing tushies.

That's probably about the best they can hope for as long as attitudes like these persist:

Television footage of the incident showed a Hamas gunman pressed against a wall firing a burst of gunfire across a road before a comrade fiercely gestured for him to stop shooting. A few moments later, the Jordanian vehicle, with a bullet hole in the windshield, is seen slowly moving down the road before stopping and rolling backward.

As long as everyone, from the Hamas-controlled Palestinian government to the global media and its readership, is able to refer to "a Hamas gunman" without howls outrage, there is going to be a huge problem in the area of Palestinian justice -- and the same was true while Fatah gunmen and explosive experts wandered the streets under a Fatah government's "watchful eye." Can you imagine how the media would report on the shooting of a foreign diplomatic worker by a band of "Likud gunmen?" Or if Republican-sponsored "George Bush Brigades" wandered around killing political opponents on the streets of America without punishment?

(And for those of you who believe this is already happening in Bush's America or Likudistan, you are welcome to go live in the greater safety of a Hamas-governed city rather than the justice-obsessed despotic hellholes you're trapped in now.)

Oprah's Jenin Week (best read in order)
Day 1: Mothers
Day 2: Poet
Day 3: Go Girl
Day 4: Snitch
Day 5: Massacre
Epilogue: Exposed

Linked with thanks to Right Wing Nation, Blue Star Chronicles, Mark My Words and Third World County.

Technorati Tags: parody, oprah, hamas, suicide bombers, israel, jenin