Thursday, June 01, 2006

So THAT'S how these things are supposed to work! 

I just never new how wars are supposed to end. But now Amr Moussa and the Arab League have finally cleared this up for me:

Moussa said the 'core issue' is that the Israeli occupation of Palestinian territory, which he said should end before any conditions can be introduced.
Isn't that so much simpler than fighting until one side is defeated, then negotiating an end to conflict, and then verifiably implementing the terms of that agreement? Now isn't it obvious why the end of World War II was just such an awful mess -- almost as bad as Iraq?

Here's how World War II SHOULD have gone:
  1. Germans attack a country.
  2. Germans attack another country.
  3. Germans threaten to attack more countries unless they get what they want.
  4. Germans get what they want.
  5. Germans attack more countries.
  6. Other countries fight back. Or at least some do. Or a few.
  7. Germans get help.
  8. The other countries ask the US to help fight off the Germans.
  9. With US help, Germany is eventually invaded with fighting reaching Berlin itself.
  10. Allies demand complete German surrender and negotiation of terms for end of conflict to ensure it doesn't happen again.

    HERE'S where it went all wrong. What should have happened next?

  11. Germany's leader, Hitler, demands withdrawal of allied forces from sovereign German territory, emphatically rejects occupation.
  12. Other countries support Germany's national right of self-determination and autonomy, impose sanctions on invading Allied forces. Sanctions are to continue until occupation is ended. Other conditions for an end to sanctions include investigations of Allied war crimes and the return to Germany of all territories and property they'd siezed in this and previous wars.
  13. Allies request negotations over the terms of withdrawal and German disarmament to prevent future belligerancy.
  14. Hitler promises to consider such negotiations so long as there are no preconditions and only AFTER the complete withdrawal of Allied forces.
  15. Allied forces withdraw from Berlin and surrounding areas as a confidence building measure. Demand German forces at least stop firing on them and discuss a temporary cease fire.
  16. Hitler accepts cease fire in princple, but attacks continue by rogue German forces understandably upset by the continuing occupation of German.
  17. Allied forces withdraw completely from Germany. Demand negotiations over disarmament.
  18. Hitler protests to international community that Allied withdrawal is incomplete. Attacks continue across the disputed borders. Hitler rejects disarmament talks unless both sides agree to disarm, and refuses to consider any monitoring of compliance on German soil. Definition of "German soil" is left vague.
  19. Suddenly, world peace reigns.
  20. Attacks by German forces continue.
Hey, I'm no historian. That's why I'm so glad there are experts on hand at the Arab League to help lead the way to peace in our time.

** NOTE: I am not comparing Palestinians, Amr Moussa or the Arab League (or Ehud Olmert, Mother Teresa, George Bush or Kofi Annan for that matter) to either Hitler or Nazi Germany. Nazi Germany achieved a level of evil that others can only dream of, not that this stops them from dreaming and trying.

If you really, really liked this -- or even really, really hated it -- there's lots more: